I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize