bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
