Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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