i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
