before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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