i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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