So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
