I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
