he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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