dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
