If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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