so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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