I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
