Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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