I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
