Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
