That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
