No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
