I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
