It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
