We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
