Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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