just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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