he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
