So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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