The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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