HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
