i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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