are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
