I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't turn off my feet"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
