Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
