i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
