Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
