i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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