i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
