If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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