he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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