I heard we made out
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
