We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
