Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
