What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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