someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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