im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
