oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
