I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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