Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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