Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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