hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
