I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
