If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
