I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
