U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
