i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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