I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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