I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
two words...techno handjob
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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