Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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