I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
