Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
