We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She needs sedatives and a leash
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
