Little spoons don't ask big questions
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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