I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
false alarm. still invincible.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
