you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
