...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
