Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
