Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
