It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
