Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
