You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
