Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
