Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she smelled like a LAN party
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
