i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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